Gulag
Around 1995 or so I hired a tutor from my local university to teach me the Russian language. Once a week, for about ten months, I learned my lessons. Then she invited me to go on the school class trip to Russia (one of my goals all along).
We arrived in Moscow in August- it was very warm, for the latitude.(Muscovites don't bother with air conditioning, since the summer is only about month long-even the government buildings I went into has no AC). Including myself, there were only five of us- the teacher did not come along. We were met by strange lady and taken to our flats, each hosted by a grandmotherly type of Russian. Yet the one I was assigned to was worldly, and all along we suspected that she understood English perfectly (she only spoke Russian to us) Me and this other guy from Texas- named Saul-roomed in her apartment, which was very small ( but all big cites have tiny apartments, don't they?)
My room did not really have a bed- it more like a wooden board covered with half an inch of foam covered with vinyl. For most of my stay, I was in great pain, sleeping only 2-3 hours a night. But otherwise, the place was modern.
For about an hour each day, I attended a class in the language. Two Swedes - a boy and a girl-were with us for this...
About three weeks later, the lot of us went to Saint Petersburg. Gradually, as I began my wanderings around these two cities, I began to draw the attention of the police, who are known to be very corrupt.
One day in St. Petersburg, I left my hotel room (called 'White Nights', because this far north the seasons could sometimes experience weeks on end without a true night, just like in Alaska).
I went into a place to buy some beer (in Europe, these are called 'night shops'- they are similar to the Seven-Eleven stores). In Russia, you are allowed to drink in public, but technically, it is against the law to be 'drunk' in public- but in my estimation the Russian definition of being illegally drunk in public would be impossible for most humans to achieve- it was not unusual for me to witness the most riotous carousing happening in plain view of the authorities, and there would be no response from the police).
Anyway, I bought my beer-I remember it clearly- it was a 16 oz. can, called 'Bear' beer- it had a white polar bear on the label, and the rest was dark brown. The alcohol content was high- 7.5%. I stepped onto the sidewalk, moved toward the curb, and pulled the tab, and took one gulp. It was about 4pm.
Suddenly, an armored personnel carrier pulled up. A Neanderthal cop stepped out and blocked my path. I turned, and saw the back door to the APC swing wide. I was pushed into the vehicle, sandwiched between two thug cops ( The police there are called 'militia.' I don't think they have the exact same correspondence to our big city cops. They could have been para-military forces. Russian police never need 'reasonable suspicion' or 'probable cause' to roust a 'suspect').
So there I was, captured by a Russian goon squad. They drove around and around, asking me questions. Since my Russian language skills were limited, I tried talking to the driver, as he was the only one of the four that really knew any English.
After examining my passport and visa, they told me that it was illegal for me to be in Saint Petersburg (travel to Russia then and now by Americans is granted just to specified areas, and the authorities were/are still very paranoid toward Yanks). We argued back and forth for what seemed to be a very long time-"What was I doing there? How much had I had to drink? Where was I staying in the city,etc?"
Finally, they pulled over and pushed me out of the APC- I was back where the incident began. Before rolling off, one of the officers wished me good luck, and then returned to me my bear beer ( I know for a fact that in the states, almost all cops will empty the beer on the ground in front of you, just to make you extra mad).
So there I was, back on the street, with my beer. I started walking toward the metro, and threw away the beer- I knew something was up. Two minutes later, at the metro, I saw the two police standing at the entrance, looking around the sparse crowd.I tried to sneak past them...but I was grabbed again- one officer took me by the shoulder, and pressed his hand on a panel on the wall inside a defunct phone booth. A secret passage-door opened up. The three of us stepped in, and I was inside a small police precinct. Toward the rear, there was a metal cage ( if you remember the sit -com form the 70's 'Barney Miller'...everything looked just like that). Inside the cage was an attractive blond girl, about 20 years old- she had a look of absolute terror on her face, tears were streaming down her cheeks. In front of the cage, behind a table, sat a jack-booted monster-Neanderthal thug goon escapee from a mad scientist lair -cop.
Two cops asked me some questions, and made me do the drunk test where you touch your finger to your nose. Their grasp of the English language was non-existent. The giant Neanderthal started to speak about money. I pretended not to understand. Tempers started to rise- he banged his club on the desk. Still, I pretended not to know what was going on.
In a sudden fit of frustration,I was booted out the door onto the ramp to go down into the metro.
I made my way back toward my hotel- but from a distance i could see several police officers roaming around near the entrance. I decided to wait in a nearby park, where I sat on a children's swing for about an hour, until the coast was clear. I returned to the hotel and told my host about what had happened. She was non-plussed...the rest of my stay was OK.
When I got back to the states, I told my Russian friend about the incident. She said I was very lucky- both sets of cops were attempting to get me to offer them bribes. They normally won't just take the money from you- you are suppose to offer, which I was never going to do. Another tourist i read about had the same thing happen to them, only when he refused, the cops grabbed his hand and threatened to cut off part of his fingers, one by one, until they got the loot.
We arrived in Moscow in August- it was very warm, for the latitude.(Muscovites don't bother with air conditioning, since the summer is only about month long-even the government buildings I went into has no AC). Including myself, there were only five of us- the teacher did not come along. We were met by strange lady and taken to our flats, each hosted by a grandmotherly type of Russian. Yet the one I was assigned to was worldly, and all along we suspected that she understood English perfectly (she only spoke Russian to us) Me and this other guy from Texas- named Saul-roomed in her apartment, which was very small ( but all big cites have tiny apartments, don't they?)
My room did not really have a bed- it more like a wooden board covered with half an inch of foam covered with vinyl. For most of my stay, I was in great pain, sleeping only 2-3 hours a night. But otherwise, the place was modern.
For about an hour each day, I attended a class in the language. Two Swedes - a boy and a girl-were with us for this...
About three weeks later, the lot of us went to Saint Petersburg. Gradually, as I began my wanderings around these two cities, I began to draw the attention of the police, who are known to be very corrupt.
One day in St. Petersburg, I left my hotel room (called 'White Nights', because this far north the seasons could sometimes experience weeks on end without a true night, just like in Alaska).
I went into a place to buy some beer (in Europe, these are called 'night shops'- they are similar to the Seven-Eleven stores). In Russia, you are allowed to drink in public, but technically, it is against the law to be 'drunk' in public- but in my estimation the Russian definition of being illegally drunk in public would be impossible for most humans to achieve- it was not unusual for me to witness the most riotous carousing happening in plain view of the authorities, and there would be no response from the police).
Anyway, I bought my beer-I remember it clearly- it was a 16 oz. can, called 'Bear' beer- it had a white polar bear on the label, and the rest was dark brown. The alcohol content was high- 7.5%. I stepped onto the sidewalk, moved toward the curb, and pulled the tab, and took one gulp. It was about 4pm.
Suddenly, an armored personnel carrier pulled up. A Neanderthal cop stepped out and blocked my path. I turned, and saw the back door to the APC swing wide. I was pushed into the vehicle, sandwiched between two thug cops ( The police there are called 'militia.' I don't think they have the exact same correspondence to our big city cops. They could have been para-military forces. Russian police never need 'reasonable suspicion' or 'probable cause' to roust a 'suspect').
So there I was, captured by a Russian goon squad. They drove around and around, asking me questions. Since my Russian language skills were limited, I tried talking to the driver, as he was the only one of the four that really knew any English.
After examining my passport and visa, they told me that it was illegal for me to be in Saint Petersburg (travel to Russia then and now by Americans is granted just to specified areas, and the authorities were/are still very paranoid toward Yanks). We argued back and forth for what seemed to be a very long time-"What was I doing there? How much had I had to drink? Where was I staying in the city,etc?"
Finally, they pulled over and pushed me out of the APC- I was back where the incident began. Before rolling off, one of the officers wished me good luck, and then returned to me my bear beer ( I know for a fact that in the states, almost all cops will empty the beer on the ground in front of you, just to make you extra mad).
So there I was, back on the street, with my beer. I started walking toward the metro, and threw away the beer- I knew something was up. Two minutes later, at the metro, I saw the two police standing at the entrance, looking around the sparse crowd.I tried to sneak past them...but I was grabbed again- one officer took me by the shoulder, and pressed his hand on a panel on the wall inside a defunct phone booth. A secret passage-door opened up. The three of us stepped in, and I was inside a small police precinct. Toward the rear, there was a metal cage ( if you remember the sit -com form the 70's 'Barney Miller'...everything looked just like that). Inside the cage was an attractive blond girl, about 20 years old- she had a look of absolute terror on her face, tears were streaming down her cheeks. In front of the cage, behind a table, sat a jack-booted monster-Neanderthal thug goon escapee from a mad scientist lair -cop.
Two cops asked me some questions, and made me do the drunk test where you touch your finger to your nose. Their grasp of the English language was non-existent. The giant Neanderthal started to speak about money. I pretended not to understand. Tempers started to rise- he banged his club on the desk. Still, I pretended not to know what was going on.
In a sudden fit of frustration,I was booted out the door onto the ramp to go down into the metro.
I made my way back toward my hotel- but from a distance i could see several police officers roaming around near the entrance. I decided to wait in a nearby park, where I sat on a children's swing for about an hour, until the coast was clear. I returned to the hotel and told my host about what had happened. She was non-plussed...the rest of my stay was OK.
When I got back to the states, I told my Russian friend about the incident. She said I was very lucky- both sets of cops were attempting to get me to offer them bribes. They normally won't just take the money from you- you are suppose to offer, which I was never going to do. Another tourist i read about had the same thing happen to them, only when he refused, the cops grabbed his hand and threatened to cut off part of his fingers, one by one, until they got the loot.
posted by Zero at 10:11 AM
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