"Damned dirty ape!"

Recently uncovered documents show that in the late 1920's, Joseph Stalin sought to create a race of super soldiers, by breeding apes with humans.The Soviet army was in rough shape after the civil war, so Stalin needed troops that would not complain about poor quality food, troops that were extra tough and obedient. A scientific team was dispatched to Africa, where the experiments (supposedly) failed. - (Lets hope the administration doesn't learn about this one, although judging by the behavior of some of the people around town, i think maybe this twisted Soviet scheme worked).

Humans and chimpanzees are genetically so close that they can share each others blood.(Not recommended- disease factors are too serious a threat- you might 'go ape').